And now I’m going to get extra metaphorical and talk about how this ring breaking is related to what I’m going through in life at the moment. When something goes from always being there and me growing fond of and attached to it, to then suddenly it’s not there anymore or cannot be as it once was, it can be alarming. There is a sadness that comes with such occurrences. In my life right now, I’m finding myself saying a lot of goodbyes (friends moving away or relationships changing); and while life can be filled with goodbyes, some goodbyes can feel REALLY heavy. I’m going to focus on one “goodbye” in particular that currently holds the most emotional weight for me....saying goodbye to a romantic relationship with someone I dated for a solid 4 years, then on and off for 4 more years after that. A couple of months ago, we decided to officially put our romantic relationship to rest for good. Doing the math, this ring that just broke has been in my life for almost as long as that romantic relationship was.
Over the last week, I’ve been sick with strep throat, so I’ve not only been alone with my thoughts, but I’ve been forced to sit in my heavy breakup emotions. The pain of letting go can be harsh when I have to let someone go romantically after such a long history with them. While we’re not completely saying goodbye to each other altogether, we are saying goodbye to a version of ourselves. Just like this ring, I really grew fond of and attached to this person. The ring fit so well on my finger and I became so comfortable with it on; there even came a point when it felt more comfortable to have the ring on then have it off. If there is a human that makes me feel this comfortable, it’s this person I’m going through this post-breakup process with. Now that this ring is broken and can no longer go around my finger, I have to get used to this new feeling of my finger being bare again. This also ushers in the opportunity for my finger to have more space to be free and exposed to a new way of existing. In trying to cope with this breakup, I’ve been finding myself very aware of connecting with new people and seeking out new experiences, like starting a farming and gardening apprenticeship program this month. So while I’ve been focusing on endings and pain, I’m also opening myself up to beginnings and hope.
In closing this blog post, on a slightly related note, the dance company that I’m a part of is prepping for our spring concert coming towards the end of this month. A song in one of the pieces has stuck out to me recently….”The Wheel” by SOHN. I’m always intrigued by the songs that stick with me, so I happened to look up an interview with the artist and in the interview he explained, describing the song, “It’s a track about the end of something, the beginning of something, and the over-thinking of that time inbetween – I feel like the track is like a big sigh, in some ways. Like exhaling after finding out that something you’ve been dreading doing actually is nothing at all.” While Winter tends to represent death and endings; Spring, possibly my favorite season, tends to represent new life and beginnings. And just like letting go of my favorite ring, I’m freeing myself up for new experiences and a new way of living. I’m beginning “anew.” This word stands out to me, because I went to an event yesterday at this place called ANEW Rooftop. And the word ‘anew’ means “in a new or different, typically more positive, way,” so yes, I’m beginning anew.