Coincidentally, exactly a year ago, I posted a blog post about Domestic Abuse/Violence on here for National Domestic Violence Awareness Month, so this is unfortunately fitting.
Dangit, Y'all. I've had a long day, so I'm really tired and I don't want to be talking about this, but not only do I feel obligated to speak out on this topic (Sexual Assault/Abuse/Harassment/Rape, etc.), I also do not want to be silent about it. I've been trying to process through what's been stirred up in me. Therefore, I'm going to muster up some energy and release some of my current thoughts, especially since they've been bottling up inside me all day.
The "Me Too" posts (e.g. "If all the women who have been sexually harassed or assaulted wrote 'Me too.' as a status, we might give people a sense of the magnitude of the problem.") that have been all over Facebook and other social media recently have pushed me to poke at some old wounds. I hesitated to immediately post a "Me Too" status on Facebook after seeing so many pop up, because I needed some time to process my feelings about it and I try to be very intentional when I post things on social media and online for all to see. At first, I felt numb when I started seeing the "Me Too" posts pop up. If I were to feel actual emotions, that would generally mean that I was poking at an old wound. After the initial numbness, I was eventually able to open up emotionally. So before posting "Me Too," I ask myself, why am I poking at old wounds and adding my "Me Too" to the countless others?
I'm adding my voice in order to further open up the dialogue about this issue. Visibility matters. This is also me saying to those reading this that I'm here if you need someone to talk to about this. I've been part of the support system for loved ones in toxic or abusive situations before, plus I've been in some uncomfortable situations too (hence the "Me too.").
Speaking of uncomfortable situations....I'm also taking some of this space to vent about my past experiences with sexual assault for my own benefit, because this is my personal blog after all. What is extra discomforting from my personal experiences is that most of my significant encounters with sexual assault have occurred with people that I know or have been close to. Another discomforting thing to me is that I was so young when some of these encounters happened. When I was much younger, I was not only soft-spoken, but I was far from assertive; people easily had the opportunity to take advantage of me. Thankfully, I've grown more since then, but I've always had issues with navigating boundaries and my childhood certainly did not help. While I know that I don't have to be explicit about what's happened to me, one moment that sticks out to me was a moment in high school when a staff member (I know....messed up....) came up behind me in class and touched my hair inappropriately. I had long hair that was down my back at the time and he took his hand and went underneath it and lifted it up. I felt violated and as if my body was not my own. NOT OKAY, Y'ALL. NOT OKAY. It grinds my gears when people of power take advantage of those who have less authority or power. Another uncomfortable, yet interesting fact about my particular experiences is that I've been sexually assaulted by both sexes. Sexual assault from men has been the majority, but I thought I should put that out there that these kinds of things can happen by and to anyone.
An overarching concept that a lot of this issue boils down to for me is RESPECT and CONSENT. When someone says no, please respect and honor that. No = No. When a person dishonors that no or someone's decline to engage with them that comes across as them disrespecting that person that said no. Something that I think is very important in all parts of life is to be aware of social cues. I understand that people's abilities to understand social conduct varies, so something that everyone can do is check in on people. A simple, "Is this okay?" can make all the difference.
Alright, that's all I can muster to say for now, but feel free to continue this dialogue with me.
Peace, Love, & Respect.
Erica